Sunday, March 22, 2015

Asperger's Disorder, Bi Polar, ADHD - Why Didn't I Just Hit the Lottery?

So, you tell me. Would you call it simply crazy, incredibly unlucky, or an absolute blessing that I was assigned the life that I lead? How about you? How would you answer this question for yourself? I mean seriously, according to statistics, 5.5 million Americans age 18 or older, or 2.6 percent of the adult population is afflicted with Bipolar Disorder. A recent survey conducted by the National Institute of Child Health and Mental Development estimate that 1 in 500 people (0.2% of the general population) have some form of Asperger’s Disorder. And finally, we do know that an estimated 1 in 30,000 adult males and 1 in 100,000 adult females struggle with some sort of “gender identity” issue. Wow! Talk about hitting the genetic lottery! So why is it that my kids and I were blessed with all three “afflictions,” as opposed to say, being blessed with the winning ticket for Power Ball … or perhaps being blessed with winning the state lottery, or even a scratch ticket for heaven’s sake!? When I really think about it, I tend to think that it is for all the same reasons that devout Christians point to. “God will never give you more than you can handle”, “God gives you the children you have because you are the only ones that are able to handle them.” Really? Well what if I can’t handle them? What if my husband and I can’t handle them? Well, considering the above I CHOOSE to believe that God has given us these two precious and broken children because we CAN handle them, even though we may not want to handle them. I’m not saying that we don’t want to raise our kids, what I’m saying is maybe we don’t want to deal with Bipolar Disorder, Autism and Gender Identity Disorder. Who wants that? Are we being punished for some reason? Or are we raising the next Van Gogh, Bill Gates or Albert Einstein? I choose to believe the latter! Yes, right now I choose to believe that God has blessed us with these afflictions, and that one day, after all the struggling, heartache and pain, we will find out what God has in store for our little family. So what about you? What are YOUR “afflictions”? What has God blessed YOU with? Will you decide to give up and let life run its course, not believing that you are suffering for a greater reason? Or are you going to do like me and figure out why you have been hit with the genetic lottery, which didn’t payout money? Should we all decide together that the payout is something better than money? Something longer lasting and more eternal? More rewarding? Could the prize be in the form of our children becoming the next C.S. Lewis, the recipient of the Noble Peace Prize or the next President of the United States of America? Yeah, I’ve decided. I’ll take my children and their…excuse me, OUR afflictions, over a million dollar winning lottery ticket. After all, isn’t it more rewarding to work for a paycheck as opposed to winning the lottery?

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Hi everyone! I have an old article that I was about to publish on an online writing site; however, I decided that I would rather pass it on to my followers instead! I wrote this article sometime around 2008. Enjoy! And please share your comments & click a couple of ads if you liked the article. : ) Girls are Aspie's too! Young girls with Asperger's Syndrome; it could be called an oxymoron. Who would ever guess that an otherwise exuberant and athletic child would have AS? Located on what psychologist's call the autistic spectrum, Asperger's Syndrome is also referred to as high functioning autism. Experts report that only one out of about every ten children diagnosed with AS are female. There are many reasons for this in my opinion, the most likely being the fact that female Aspie's such as myself have practically made a career out of hiding our real feelings. I never in a million years would have believed that I had Asperger's Syndrome; then again, never in a million years would I have thought that I needed glasses either. See, aspies are often completely out of tune to their environment. Some explain it as if they were a balloon floating through the air, unable to connect with anyone or anything meaningful. I never understood that I had to learn social and verbal cues through other children, that I silently watched every social cue that they displayed. As a child I just did what I did. I didn't worry about what others thought. I was insanely good at sports, I was usually the team leader. As a young girl on a sports team, comraderie was key. I didn't need to put forth much effort to connect with my team-mates. By the time of Junior High, however, I learned that socializing and friendships were a language that I didn't speak, or even understand for that matter. In analyzing my teenage years, all that comes to mind is pain and frustration. Frustration that those who didn't understand me didn't care enough to try to understand. I actually related better to my teachers than I did to my peers. I could have been a straight A student, but instead of focusing on studies, I attempted a 4.0 in socialization. I had know idea that my skills were by far inept. I remember wondering why I walked around with severe anxiety, ruminating in my mind over what stupid thing I said on this day, or some embarassment over a missinterpreted social cue. Some say that Asperger's Syndrome is actually the extreme male brain. I can sometimes relate to this theory. My neurology was quite different to that of any other girl that I knew in my high school years. I didn't understand why girls would hug each other or share the same drink. All I could think of was what germs I would get if someone even touched my hand. I couldn't connect with anyone on such a level. This left me on the outside circle. I had friends, but I was unable to be a part of a larger social group. My friend had to be my friend alone. It wasn't that I was possesive you see, it was because I couldn't focus my attention on more than one friend at a time, if I did I would become exhausted. Now, at 32 years old, there is so much that I will be able to teach my six year old daughter. She is the mirror image of me when I was six, only cuter and spunkier. Having already received an AS diagnoses for my eight year old son, I was sure that my daughter would have Asperger's as well. Testing for young females such as my daughter doesn't leave much room for speculation. I know that my daughter has AS, well, because I lived it my entire life. I see the same signs that I myself displyed, only to be left behind with all of the other underachievers. How then does a parent help a child that is too young to truly diagnose? Listen to them, understand them, and love them. Had more people taken the time to understand me, I believe that life could have been much, much easier on me. Who would even know what sign to look for in order to diagnose an autism spectrum dissorder? I suggest that you keep on reading my articles as I plan to walk anyone interested through the details of my life, a woman living with Asperger's Dissorder. Please stay tuned!

Monday, March 18, 2013

Where have I been? Why haven't you followers screamed at me for hiding out in Utah for so long? Well, thank you friends for continuing to take quick peaks to see if I've been okay, because I'm back, I'm back, I'm back! I'm back and I've learned even more! What have I learned? I've learned that an aspiemom can have Asperger's and other co-morbid conditions too. : ( I mention this because in my hiatus I discovered that I'm also bipolar. The official diagnosis is: Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. Wow! Let me tell you I was floored! By the way, I'm not psychotic like an ax-slinger or bag lady, but I'm definitely a little screwed up. What I'm getting at here is that those of us with Asperger's Disorder need to realize that being an "Aspie" doesn't explain everything. Screaming at Direct TV because they failed to refund my last three months service (I didn't use it), well that's not an inherent personality defect...that's me being pissed off that I didn't watch my account statement better. Now snapping at the representative because she told you that she wouldn't help you? The snapping, depending on how fast the snap commences, is an inherent personality trait AND most likely Asperger's annoyance. So you might be wondering if I'm relinquishing the title of Aspiemama. No, I'm not. Bipolar is an affliction: it's cruel, it's annoying, it's fateful, it gets worse... but it doesn't define me. Bipolar takes from you, Asperger's adds to you. Bipolar is a disease much like diabetes. I will always need to take medication. One thing bipolar isn't however, is my fault. Asperger's isn't my fault. It's not my son's fault. It's not yours or your loved ones fault. It's an amazing re-wiring of the brain that leaves us just a little out of it, but fully amazing and genius and sometimes....strange. Finally a plea. I make a promise if you do... I will continue to write in my blog with absolutely no inhibitions. I will write every day, I promise. : ) I ask that you tell me how YOU are doing too. I don't want to be a narcissist here. And finally, do me a favor if you can. I'm a home school mom that needs to make some extra money so I can stay home. Click on the ads that you see on my blog, because when you do... I get paid ; ) I like getting paid. God Bless!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Moved Again

I can't believe what motivation I lost with my writing projects such as my articles and blog. Perhaps its because we have moved again...this time to Utah. Its so cool to be able to ski whatever day we want to while homeschooling my kids. I enrolled my daughter into the 3rd grade in public school here in Park City. After 3 weeks of school my daughter started to tell me that she had no one to sit by at lunch and sometimes no one to place with at recess. She did have her best friend Michael to place with, which brought back memories and an understanding of why an aspie girls best friends are many times boys. Boys are typically low on drama. Even in the 3rd grade girls can be especially mean and aloof. After speaking with my daughters teacher I was told that Ellie had been invited to play with some of the other girls, she just didn't want to because the girls didn't want to do what Ellie wanted to do...which is to play "wolf". My daughter has this fascination with Wolves, probably because we have a husky 1/4 wolf dog named Kanek. He is much more wolf than dog. He grew up with the kids and is the most loving animal one could have. Getting back to my daughter though, she will not accomodate other kids interests or wants if they don't match her idea of fun. She also had her best friend and neighbor "drop her" for no reason. This was her only female friend and I myself couldn't understand what went wrong. I tried to reach out to her mother only to be shut down yet again. After this I have hidden, unable to understand or accomodate any friendships in my life. So my plan is to continue to post on my blog, further my writing career and help out in the field of autism in any way that I can. I appreciate your perspective on my ideas and goals.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

No motivation has kept me away

No motivation...keeps me from writing and even thinking of writing, updating blogs, etc. At first I feel as if I can obtain the world...write a book, finish my articles, write for the autism society...but then I crash and I can't manage to do anything but the minimum self care and mothering. The kids are more difficult now then ever. New revelations about myself and my daughter. Not only do I have AS, I also am bipolar I. Trying to seperate each disorder's symptoms is confusing and frustrating...there are so many overlaps. So many well meaning doctors telling me that they suspect Bipolar and a personality disorder because I don't fit the "typical characteristics of AS". This speaks to the fact of what us AS adults must contend with; both for us and our children.