Wow is all I can say...

Wow. I will never doubt my AS diagnosis. Yet a new revelation into myself. I went to a new doctor. A doctor that has been here forever, a very well respected man. We started talking about my Asperger's diagnosis and the amount of medication that I have had to take. He said that he is very suprised at the amount of Seroquel that I take, and as such, and in his reviewing of my file, and after a long string of questions and answers, he told me something that I never would have guessed. He thinks that I have co-morbid bi-polar disorder. Usually I would dismiss any doctor that makes light of my AS diagnosis. See, when one doesn't suffer from very low depressive states, they assume that they aren't bi-polar. However, he stated that the AS characteristics are there, however, the night terrors and continued anxiety that I face, despite the high doses of ssri and antipscyhotics proves that we are dealing with more than just AS. True, as in my last post, AS can be manifested in many ways, many that are very similar to bi-polar. But as we started going over my apparent cycles of ups and downs, it seemed to fit. I do have periods of mania that have led to impulsive situations. Overspending, bad relationships, fights, starting things when I feel "up", stopping things when I am "down". It fits, and for some reason, the signs have been hitting me lately, very strong and all around me. I could never understand why I was so up and down, but mostly down. TThe biggest of his concern is that we get this handled or diagnosed, if it is what it is along with AS...because I explained my often thoughts of suicide that intrude my thought patterns. I told him "I would never do it, I coudln't do that to my family". His answer made sense, like my grandmother, after the kids were raised and gone, she killed herself. She was bi-polar. What if one day I did do it? I think of it all the time...but I love life too much. I just know that I need to keep on towards my goals. As my doctor said, I should be functioning in society. And then he told me I was adorable. Gee...that was nice of him. So...I am exploring the idea that this is co-morbid for me. We will see how the medication helps me. I am cautiously optomistic. I will keep you tuned.